"The Covenant of Marriage"

Since God is our Creator it only makes sense that to live happy, fulfilling, and contented lives we must follow His instruction. One of the most obvious problems in the lives of many is broken marriages. Our Creator instituted marriage and those who enter into marriage with little respect for God and His word can not expect anything but problems. Marriage, to the majority of people, is something simply done out of convenience without a sense of obligation and responsibility before God. For those same people divorce is a convenience. Many get married with the selfish attitude that says, "I'll get married, try it for a while and if it doesn't work, if I don't like it, I'll get a divorce." Yet, God views marriage to be a covenant relationship.
A covenant is an agreement that involves promises and commitments. The Bible describes the marriage as a spiritual covenant that is just as binding, and just as sacred, as the covenant that God has made with His people. In fact, we find that when God describes the relationship between Himself and His people He speaks of the husband wife relationship (cf. Jer. 31:31-32). In the New Testament the blessed relationship between Christ and the church is described by the covenant relationship of the husband and the wife (Eph. 5:22-ff). Marriage is a holy union before God.
Malachi prophesied in a time of general apostasy and unfaithfulness. The people's apostasy was characterized by an atmosphere of general covenant breaking. In Malachi's time divorce was a real problem and became a central issue in all of the sins of the people. Thus God declared, "I hate divorce" (Mal. 2:16). There is more to divorce that just incompatibility, or "I just don't love him/her anymore." It is something so serious that it involves breaking a covenant that is just as binding and sacred as a covenant that God makes with His people.
A fact that many fail to realize is though it is a man and a woman that make the commitment to be married, they are joined in that commitment, bound in that covenant relationship, by God. Our Creator instituted marriage from the beginning and only He has the authority to bind, or say what does and does not break that covenant. Jesus declared, "..What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matt. 19:6). A marriage covenant involves more than an individual, their spouse, and the law of the land; it involves God and the covenant that He has bound when a man and woman vow their commitment before Him. The only One who has the authority to declare what is a legitimate reason to break that covenant is the one who bound it, and that is God. He has given only one exception to this lifetime covenant which we will discuss next time.

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The Science of a Happy Marriage

Why do some men and women cheat on their partners while others resist the temptation?
To find the answer, a growing body of research is focusing on the science of commitment. Scientists are studying everything from the biological factors that seem to influence marital stability to a person’s psychological response after flirting with a stranger.
Their findings suggest that while some people may be naturally more resistant to temptation, men and women can also train themselves to protect their relationships and raise their feelings of commitment.
Recent studies have raised questions about whether genetic factors may influence commitment and marital stability. Hasse Walum, a biologist at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, studied 552 sets of twins to learn more about a gene related to the body’s regulation of the brain chemical vasopressin, a bonding hormone.
Over all, men who carried a variation in the gene were less likely to be married, and those who had wed were more likely to have had serious marital problems and unhappy wives. Among men who carried two copies of the gene variant, about a third had experienced a serious relationship crisis in the past year, double the number seen in the men who did not carry the variant.
Although the trait is often called the “fidelity gene,” Mr. Walum called that a misnomer: his research focused on marital stability, not faithfulness. “It’s difficult to use this information to predict any future behavior in men,” he told me. Now he and his colleagues are working to replicate the findings and conducting similar research in women.
While there may be genetic differences that influence commitment, other studies suggest that the brain can be trained to resist temptation.
A series of unusual studies led by John Lydon, a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal, have looked at how people in a committed relationship react in the face of temptation. In one study, highly committed married men and women were asked to rate the attractiveness of people of the opposite sex in a series of photos. Not surprisingly, they gave the highest ratings to people who would typically be viewed as attractive.
Later, they were shown similar pictures and told that the person was interested in meeting them. In that situation, participants consistently gave those pictures lower scores than they had the first time around.
When they were attracted to someone who might threaten the relationship, they seemed to instinctively tell themselves, “He’s not so great.” “The more committed you are,” Dr. Lydon said, “the less attractive you find other people who threaten your relationship.”
But some of the McGill research has shown gender differences in how we respond to a cheating threat. In a study of 300 heterosexual men and women, half the participants were primed for cheating by imagining a flirtatious conversation with someone they found attractive. The other half just imagined a routine encounter.
Afterward, the study subjects were asked to complete fill-in-the-blank puzzles like LO_AL and THR__T.
Unbeknownst to the participants, the word fragments were a psychological test to reveal subconscious feelings about commitment. (Similar word puzzles are used to study subconscious feelings about prejudice and stereotyping.)
No pattern emerged among the study participants who imagined a routine encounter. But there were differences among men and women who had entertained the flirtatious fantasy. In that group, the men were more likely to complete the puzzles with the neutral words LOCAL and THROAT. But the women who had imagined flirting were far more likely to choose LOYAL and THREAT, suggesting that the exercise had touched off subconscious concerns about commitment.
Of course, this does not necessarily predict behavior in the real world. But the pronounced difference in responses led the researchers to think women might have developed a kind of early warning system to alert them to relationship threats.
Other McGill studies confirmed differences in how men and women react to such threats. In one, attractive actors or actresses were brought in to flirt with study participants in a waiting room. Later, the participants were asked questions about their relationships, particularly how they would respond to a partner’s bad behavior, like being late and forgetting to call.
Men who had just been flirting were less forgiving of the hypothetical bad behavior, suggesting that the attractive actress had momentarily chipped away at their commitment. But women who had been flirting were more likely to be forgiving and to make excuses for the man, suggesting that their earlier flirting had triggered a protective response when discussing their relationship.
“We think the men in these studies may have had commitment, but the women had the contingency plan — the attractive alternative sets off the alarm bell,” Dr. Lydon said. “Women implicitly code that as a threat. Men don’t.”
The question is whether a person can be trained to resist temptation. In another study, the team prompted male students who were in committed dating relationships to imagine running into an attractive woman on a weekend when their girlfriends were away. Some of the men were then asked to develop a contingency plan by filling in the sentence “When she approaches me, I will __________ to protect my relationship.”
Because the researchers could not bring in a real woman to act as a temptation, they created a virtual-reality game in which two out of four rooms included subliminal images of an attractive woman. The men who had practiced resisting temptation gravitated toward those rooms 25 percent of the time; for the others, the figure was 62 percent.
But it may not be feelings of love or loyalty that keep couples together. Instead, scientists speculate that your level of commitment may depend on how much a partner enhances your life and broadens your horizons — a concept that Arthur Aron, a psychologist and relationship researcher at Stony Brook University, calls “self-expansion.”
To measure this quality, couples are asked a series of questions: How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?
The Stony Brook researchers conducted experiments using activities that stimulated self-expansion. Some couples were given mundane tasks, while others took part in a silly exercise in which they were tied together and asked to crawl on mats, pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. The study was rigged so the couples failed the time limit on the first two tries, but just barely made it on the third, resulting in much celebration.
Couples were given relationship tests before and after the experiment. Those who had taken part in the challenging activity posted greater increases in love and relationship satisfaction than those who had not experienced victory together.
Now the researchers are embarking on a series of studies to measure how self-expansion influences a relationship. They theorize that couples who explore new places and try new things will tap into feelings of self-expansion, lifting their level of commitment.
“We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves, and that expands us,” Dr. Aron said. “That’s why people who fall in love stay up all night talking and it feels really exciting. We think couples can get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together.”

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Mathematical Formula for love

Romantics looking for everlasting love are over a new love equation released just in time for Valentine's Day and which can calculate the right age to fall in love.

The equation nicknamed the "Fiancee Formula" was created by an Australian mathematics professor and works by factoring in the age at which you start looking for a long-term partner and the absolute oldest age you would consider getting married.

"Although probability isn't the most romantic basis for a marriage, the formula does seem to fit a lot of couples -- whether through accident or design," said the equation's creator, Professor Tony Dooley at the University of New South Wales.

"There's no reason why the science can't be extended to calculate the best moment to marry," Dooley said in a statement.

However, love birds take note, the mathematical equation for love only has a 37 percent success rate.
The formula is helpful as a guide for the right moment to start getting serious, but could also be used by nervous men to calculate when to avoid the ultimate commitment, said Dooley.

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Rules for online dating

1. Use aspirational language. 

Keep language aspirational, positive and optimistic. Talk in generalities about your hopes, dreams and passions, as long as those things are not controversial. Keep your tone conversational and light.

2. Write succinctly. 

Keep your profile short but pithy. Aim for between 90 and 100 words, which works out to about three sentences. Choose your words carefully. If you're not a good writer, figure out the keywords and points you need to make, then ask a friend to help you out.

3. Use amazing photos. 

Photos should focus on your waist up, unless you have amazing legs. Then it's OK to include one or two full-body shots in your gallery. The majority of your photos should be closer up, highlighting your face. Make eye contact with the camera. Don't stage a smile. Instead, try to laugh just before the shot is taken.

4. Don't try to be funny. 

If you want to use humor, write whatever you're planning to say down and show it to some friends or co-workers. Have them read it aloud. With your tone of voice and inflection, it may be hilarious—but out of your friend's mouth it may fall flat or even be offensive.

5. Don't use specifics. 

Avoid mentioning specific comedians, shows, books, musicians or movies unless those are top-tier attributes on your list. It's possible to be generic about what you like while still being specific enough to sound interesting. Just because you like Louis C.K. or Larry David doesn't mean that a potential suitor does. Unless that comedian is one of your deal-breakers, leave him or her off your profile.

6. Avoid controversy. 

If you think there's something about what you've done in life that may be controversial or open for interpretation in a way that disadvantages you, then leave it off. I'm talking about political or activist work here, not things like jail time.

7. Downplay your accomplishments (but only initially). 

Women: if you've won a Pulitzer or climbed Mount Everest or for some reason own a jet, this is wonderful news—just don't share it online. These are the types of details to work into a conversation on your first or second date. If someone introduced himself to you at a party, would the next thing out of your mouth be items off your CV? Of course not, so don't act that way online. Most people don't want to see a list of what you've done unless they're hiring you for a job.

8. Flirt wisely. 

Be careful while flirting online, since it's easy to sound too aggressive too soon. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. We're flattered when people throw attention our way. So ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic. If you wouldn't use your cheesy line in person, don't use it digitally.

9. Use the 20 hour rule. 

If someone instant messages you while you're online, go ahead and IM back if you want. Otherwise, wait 20 to 23 hours between e-mail contacts for the first few messages. I found that successful daters waited that amount of time and as a result still seemed eager without coming off as desperate.

10. Don't act like a stalker. 

Avoid sending any messages while most people are sleeping, even if you're wide awake. Shoot for business hours or just after dinnertime.

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Love at First Sight Means 8.2 Seconds of Eye Contact

Since love has always been, and will perhaps continue to be relative to each individual, scientists have a really tough job to narrow the concept down to a universal “recipe.” The same goes for attractiveness, which is equally hard to pin down in theory. In this sense, a new study comes to show that, where men are concerned, an 8.2-second gaze means they rate a woman highly attractive, which raises the odds of love at first sight.

The latest study was conducted on 115 male students, gathered in one single location and confronted with beautiful young actresses and models. Their eye movements, as they interacted with the women, were studied with the help of hidden cameras and then analyzed by comparison. As the figures revealed, a man who rated a lady attractive held eye contact for about an average of 8.2 seconds, which increased his chances of falling in love at first sight, researchers said. 

Oppositely, if the gaze lasted for about 4.5 seconds or less, the man in question was not interested in any way in the woman he had made eye contact with, which meant he did not consider her good-looking enough. Ladies, on the other hand, did not make this distinction, since they paid the same amount of attention and held eye contact for just as long with both men they were interested in and those they did not fancy, for one reason or another, the same study showed. 

Researchers believe that this difference between men and women can best be explained by the fact that the former use eye contact to seek fertile and fit mates. Meanwhile, the latter shy from making eye contact or drawing unwanted attention onto themselves for fear of unwanted pregnancies and single parenthood, it has been said. 

However, one might as well add, if eye contact does not lead to love, then online dating certainly will, as another recent study has indicated. Of the 22 million people registered with dating sites in 2007, one in five actually met their true love and walked down the aisle with them, which would clearly indicate that online dating comes in handy when looking for love. “To date, there has been no systematic study of love in the context-of relationships formed via online dating sites. But with the popularity of online dating, it is imperative we understand the factors that influence satisfaction in relationships formed in this way.” Dr. Jeff Gavin, a researcher who studied the phenomenon of “love on the Internet,” told the Daily Mail a while back.


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Don`t loose your head too early: 

To decide having a life with someone after only one year, one month, one week, one day, one hour, or one second could be a huge mistake many people do thinking that this is true love, when in fact true love means something else. Maybe you saw many couples that made a quick decision and just jumped into marriage right from the beginning and after 20 years they are still happy together. But those are exceptions, open your eyes and understand the reality. For every old, happy couple, there are at least 100 couples that broke up in the first five years of marriage. When you choose not to wait to have also the confirmation of time you are playing the lottery. I know that feeling, didn’t want to wait, thinking that waiting is for cowards, i want to ask her, she is my soul mate, right?

Well think again! Maybe she is, maybe she is not, you never know..I don’t say that she or he is not your soul mate, that would be stupid, all I’m saying is wait for the confirmation of time, and you will see the truth. Time never lies, and always brings to the surface what is true, and what is not. You could think that she/he is your soul mate but maybe after two years you find that:

• She/he  is constantly lying to you
• She/he using you just so she was not a loner
• She/he doesn’t love you as much as you love back
• She/he is not that into you
• She/he is considering more the opinions from family and friend rather than yours
• She/he considers more important the career than the relationship with your.

And many other possibilities  that  cannot  be seen from the beginning, that’s why you need time to see if what you are believing to be true is actually true. I don’t say don’t do it early I’m only saying don’t do it too early. Peoples are not like cars, mobile phones or computers, they don’t come with specifications, how to use it, and what you should expect from them. They are unpredictable, and this is the beauty of it, that we have to get to know each other, discover one another, and reach to a deeper connection before jumping into marriage. If you like to play lottery with your life, why not? Just do it , maybe you will be fortunate enough to have a loving relationship with your spouse after 20 years, anything is possible!

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What others are saying, the importance of family or friends opinions: 

People love to give their opinion, they love to talk, they like to feel smart and wise. Although generally it’s a good thing to consider an outside opinion, you also have to judge the source, for instance I never take advises from people that cannot advise themselves. Even the most well-intentioned friends cannot make a decision for you. For example, i don’t tell people what decision to make, instead I like to teach them how to reach to their own decisions by explaining some core facts. I see many parents making the huge mistake by involving too much,  or in a way that doesn’t help their sons/daughters. Some cultures are based on the fact that the parents should choose the spouse, when in fact this is so wrong  right from the beginning. How can you live your life with a partner that your parents chosen? It is your life and you have the right to do anything you want with it, and nobody should decide for you. You should consider opinions from family and friends but you should never base your decisions on just that. Even if you think that somebody is right you should try to reach to the conclusion by yourself, nobody is living your life and nobody knows you better than you do yourself.

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Successful Real Life Star Couples Of Bollywood

Starting with Dilip Kumar and Saira Banu, can be count as the most successful married couple of Bollywood.

they are considered as the first Bollywood star couple. While Dilip Kumar was the intractable Tragedy King, Saira Banu was the beauty queen of Bollywood. They fall for each other and got married in 1966. The age difference between the couple was of no consequence, as they stated that they didn’t care about it. Saira Banu was twenty-two and Dilip Kumar was forty-five at the time of their wedding together. Cynics predicted that the marriage would not last for long due to the huge age gap, but they were proved wrong as the couple started going strong even after forty odd years of marriage.

Sunil Dutt and Nargis are often looked at as an example and are known as one of Bollywood’s golden couples who made it despite a number of tribulations. they got married on 11th of March, 1958. Sunil Dutt and Nargis kept their relationship under wraps for a long time. Once they were married, they lead a life of togetherness and had three children together. Sanjay Dutt is their eldest son who is a well known actor and superstar in the Hindi film industry. Their daughters Namrata and Priya have also done well for themselves.

When we talk about mid era of Bollywood, one of most ideal couple is comes into mind is Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Bachchan. Amitabh and Jaya Bachchan’s love story is one that set standards in the film industry due to the absolute commitment that they had for each other. The wedding ceremony was took place on 3rd June 1973. Amitabh apparently had a short affair with Rekha and later refurbished with Jaya Bachchan and live happily. Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh is another example of ideal couple of Bollywood. They are considered as the most romantic and made for each other couple of Bollywood. They are perfectly complimented as on and off screen couple. Likewise in recence era, Kajol- Ajay, Akshay- Twnkle, Arbaaz- Malaika, Abhishek- Aishwarya are considered as the most successful married couple of Bollywood.

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Hindu Marriages- Secret behind Traditions..

Secrets of Hindu marriage traditions

Hindu traditions are ancient and eternal too.  But we the Indians fail to recognize our rich traditions while the foreigners are trying to learn about our traditions. Unless somebody else tells about our rich traditional treasure, we don’t even believe in it.

Marriage is not a celebration of a ceremony.  Marriage is not all about exchange of rings or garlands.  It’s all about a process of promising each other for leading a conjugal life.  We never try to find the meaning of mantras chant by Purohits during the marriage process.  These days, we just care for photos and videos and hardly pay any attention to the mantras, chant by purohits, since we feel it as the headache of purohit.

The Sanskrit word Vivah originated from three root sounds vi + vah + ghai which means “a very special dedication”. 

Iyam Sita Mama Sutha, Sahadharmachari thapa                        Pratheechcha Chainam Bhadram Thae Pannim Grihneeshwa Pa¯nina

According to Valmiki Ramayana – Maharaja Janaka tells Sri Rama while introducing his daughter Sita to Rama; that she is Sita his daughter, dedicating her to him and requests him to accept his daughter as his wife (better half).

 A Hindu marriage joins two individuals for life, so that they can pursue dharma(duty), artha (possessions), kama (physical desires), and moksha (ultimate spiritual release) together. Hindu wedding ceremony at its core is essentially aVedic yajna (a fire-sacrifice), It has a deep origin in the ancient ceremony of cementing the bonds of two families together.

The primary witness of a Hindu marriage is the fire-deity (or the Sacred Fire) Agni, and by law and tradition, no Hindu marriage is deemed complete unless seven encirclements have been made around Sacred Fire, by the bride and the groom together.

The love begins with the marriage for Indians, the love ends with the marriage for others as said by a poet.

The marriage procedures, their sanctity, their aim, the respectability they carry etc. can not be seen in any traditions in the world except in the holy land India as said by Madam Annie Besant.

The need of the marriage

Wife and husband are the two wheels of the life chariot.  No one is superior to each other.  Once they are married, they are not just two individuals, they are couple.  Modern age life style brought personal egos and complexes into the lives.  As long as there were no external influences, our traditions cherished. 

According to Hindu mythology everybody carries three debts right from his birth.  They are 1) Rishi Runam, 2) Deva Runam and 3) Pithrunam. 

Rishi Runam : Person has to learn Vedas (the sacred texts) means the knowledge which one has to acquire .  To clear this owe, one has to pass on the knowledge he acquired from his gurus to his next generations. 

Deva Runam : We are indebted to Panchabhutas; the Sun for giving us the light, the Agni for giving us the fire, the Vayu for wind, the Varun for giving us water through rains, the Earth for giving us food we need.  We need to clear this owe, by performing yajnas.

Pithrunam : We are indebted to our beloved parents who given us the opportunity to come to this world by giving us the birth.  We have the responsibility of continuing their vamsa (generation).  To clear this owe one has to get married and continue the generations.

The sanctity of marriage is being lost.  The culture is polluted by the adopted cultures. 

The society tries to follow the iconic figures.  For most of the common folk, cinema heroes and heroines are the iconic figures.  These iconic figures have the responsibility of remaining as the role models to the society.  Ironically, they are not able to shoulder such responsibilities. Male and female living together without any bond/marriage is one such adopted culture. One can’t totally deny the prevalence of such tendencies in our society earlier. Even if they are, they can be considered as sporadic.  But when an iconic figure resorts to such acts, it definitely has its impact on the society. 

The courts too becoming parties in polluting our cultures with the recent pronouncements legitimizing the practice of living together, marriage between homos/lesbians etc.  There are hundreds and thousands of cases piled in different courts desperately looking for their turn to get justice, the courts are becoming very passionate these days to pronounce judgements on silly issues of this kind ignoring the cases which deserve their full attention.

The process of marriage largely packed with vedic mantras (chanted by purohits on behalf of bride and groom) is more of promises and faiths reposed on each other in the holy presence of Agni (fire).

Let us see the process of Hindu marriage in brief:

Snathakam (Convocation) : Traditionally for the generations long,  when the male child graduates, he decides to stay back in Kasi (also known as Varanasi-which considered as the abode of the almighty) to take up brahmacharya (the sainthood). During the sainthood he won’t take care of his hair and grows beard also. 

If he seeks sainthood, literally there is no chance of generation next.  As such, the elders welcome the boy to family life.   

To mark the occasion, the grown hair and beard neatly cut and shaved and performs bath with hot water.  This is what we call “Convocation”. This is the first step in the process of the marriage. 

Kasi Yatra : The father of bride symbolically weans him away from the pursuits of brahmacaryam, and requests him to enter family life (grihastasramam) by marrying his daughter. The bride’s brother convinces the groom that there is life beyond education and by marrying his sister.

Sankalpam: This is nothing but thought of doing something.  While we offer prayer to god, we have to reveal our full identity in order to register our prayer. In this we reveal every minute details like the name of the land, time like name of the yuga, name of Manwantram, name of the year, name of the month, name of the day, name of Thithi, from which place the prayer being offered etc., details will be given along with the details of the performer of the pooja/prayer.  Any pooja or celebrations will commence with Ganesh pooja for successful completion of such programme without any obstacle.

Ankurarpanam : The women, specifically the bride, sprinkle 9 different kinds of grains (Nava Dhanyalu) in earthen pots filled with wet mud, such that the grains sprout into green shoots in time. This is symbolic of the germination process of the human life for which the marriage itself is conducted. The soil used in the earthen pots is obtained from ant-hills due to its exceptional fertility characteristics.

Gowri Pooja : During this ritual the bride offers her prayers to invoke Goddess Gowri Devi, seek her blessings. Goddess Gowri Devi is the icon of an ideal wife. The Goddess’ own marriage is the symbol of ever-lasting love. Ardhanareeshwaram is the concept of the perfect emotional, mental and physical union between ‘Gowri’ and her divine husband ‘Lord Siva’. By invoking the Goddess’ blessings, the bride prays for similar strength and a long, happy, married life with her husband.

Kanyadanam : Groom will be considered as personification of Vishnu and pooja performed to him as is performed to the almighty.  This is performed by the father of the bride.  The following slokas are chanted.

Kanyam Kanaka Sampannam kanakabharanairyutham,              Dashtami Vishnave Thubhyam Brahmaloka Jigeeshiya.

Vishwambhara Sarvabhuta, Sakshinya Ssarvadevatha, Kanyamimam vradasyami, Pithrunam Dharanayavai.

Kanyam Sarvalankritham Sadhvim Suseelaya Sudheemathe Vrayatho ham prayachchami Dharmakamardha Siddhaye.

Dharmardha Kameshu Thwayesha, Nathi Charatavya, —- Nathi Charami

The father of the bride offers his daughter  who is bedecked in gold to the groom considering him as embodiment of Vishnu, the almighty with a belief that he and his past seven generations is blessed to abode in Brama Loka. The father of the bride also tells groom that the decorated bride, offered to the groom so that he can get children through her and do all his prescribed religious duties.

This is the ceremony when the bride’s parents place their daughter’s hands into those of the eligible groom and seek his promise of taking care of her life long. In return the parents promise that they are offering a devoted, pure, understanding, healthy maid as the bride. This happens from under the curtain, while the curtain is still up blocking the view.

Sumuhurtham  (Jeelakarra(cumin seeds)-bellam(jaggery)  dharana)

At the sumuhurtam, precise auspicious moment, with the cloth veil still upheld, the bride and the groom place and hold a paste made of cumin seeds and Jaggery, over each other’s heads (on the crown of the head where the opening of Sushumna nadi through which Kundalini enters) The cloth veil is then removed, unveiling the “new’ life in holy matrimony. This is the first time the bride and groom look at each other. 

The mantra chanted at this moment is

Dhruvante Raja Varuno Dhruvam Devo Brihspathi

Dhruvantha Indraschaangischa Rashtram Dhrayatham Dhruvam.

Abhrathrughneem Varunapathighneem Brihaspathe

Indra Puthrighneem Lakshyam Thamasyai savithassuva

Why the cumin seeds and jaggery paste : Positive Electric charge emanates when cumin seeds and jaggery are combined and a paste made of it, as is happened when the glass rod rubbed with silk cloth (In the case of glass rod, electrons are loosely bounded compared to silk cloth and hence it loses electrons &get positive charge and it gets the ability to attract the nearby particles).  In the crown of the head, a subtle or esoteric aperture will be there.  When this paste is placed on the top of this esoteric aperture which remains closed, gets opened and the positive energy enters through this hole, it travels through Sahasrara Chakra reaches the Ajna Chakra and energizes it(centre of spiritual energy- placed between the two eyebrows otherwise called Bhrumadhya or Bhrukuti).    The bride and groom when looks at each others Bhrukuti (when the veil removed/put down,) their brain wave lengths meet.  When the wave lengths of two persons coincide, they think alike and there is no chance of contradictions.  This gives them the pleasurable married life.

Yoktra Dharana (Tying of rope made of a kind of grass)

Here, the groom tie a rope made of Dharbha (a kind of grass) around the waist of the bride.  Whenever we get ready to do a hard job we tie a cloth around our waist, which gives us extra strength duly protecting the spine. Here the groom prepares the bride to take up the new responsibilities in their marital life with ease.   He does this by reciting the following prayer.

Oh fire God; please give a stable and composed mind to this maid, who is going to join me and give her strength to take the extra responsibilities of the family. 

Mangalasuta Dharana (Tying of three knots)

Mangalya means that which gives good things and Dharanam means “wearing”. The bride has to wear two mangalyas one given by her father and another by the groom’s father. This is one of the most important events of a hindu marriage. The groom ties the mangalasutram, a sacred necklace with the mangalyam (two gold pendants) around the bride’s neck. The sacred necklace symbolizes commitment, safety and security offered to the bride by the groom as he asks her to share in a long and happy married life with him. The groom secures the necklace by tying three knots. Each knot symbolizes each aspect of the body– Sthula Sharira – Gross or Physical body, Sukshma Sharira – Subtle or Pranic body, Karana Sharira – Causal body.  It also stands for the three aspects of commitment, manasa, vachaa, karmana, believing it, saying it and executing it. While groom ties the knots, the high priest chants the

Mangalya tantunanena mama jeevana hetunaa:

kanthe badhnami Subhage saa jeeva saradam satam

Talambralu

This is a fun event. Bride and Groom put Talambralu (Akshatalu) on each other. The bride and the groom shower one another with pearls & talambralu (rice mixed with saffron & turmeric). This denotes the couple’s desire for happiness, enjoyment and contentment. Initially they take turns to shower, as it progresses it gets more entertaining when they begin to compete with each other.

Homam (Holy fire)

The holy fire, a great protection against evil, is believed to be a messenger and mediator between God and human. This fire acts as an eternal witness to marriage.  The bride and groom pledge and declare to all those present that they have accepted one another voluntarily. Holding each other’s hands, the couple takes seven steps, symbolic of the seven marital vows, around the sacred fire. 

1.     Together, we will acquire energy to share responsibilities of our married life.

2.     Together,we will fill our hearts  with strenght and courage to accmplish all the needs of our life.

3.     Together,we will prosper and share our worldly goods and will work for prosperity of our family.

4.     Together, we will chesrish each other in happiness and in sorrow.

5.     Together,we will raise dtromg and virtuous children.

6.     Together, we will fill our heartswith great joy, peace , happiness and spiritual values.

7.     Together, we will remain lifelong patners in the matrimony.

Nagavalli

During Nagavalli, a silk cloth cradle was made and a piece of sandalwood, a ripe mango/banana and turmeric was placed in it to pray for an off spring as healthy as the ripe mango, as pure as the turmeric and as self fragrant as the sandalwood.

This is followed by a fun filled event where the bride and groom fight over who will collect the gold and silver rings dropped in a narrow mouthed vessel.

Sannikallu (Grindstone)

Holding the bride’s left foot toe, the bridegroom then helps her tread on a grindstone called sannikallu kept on the side of the fire. The manthras say: “Mount up this stone. Let thy mind be rock-firm, unperturbed, by the trials and tribulations of life” and when it is finished, the groom adorns the bride’s toes with mettelu, silver rings.

At this time the priest shows the couple the Arundhati star. Arundhati, the wife of vasistha maharshi (the great saint), is exemplified as an ideal wife, the embodiment of chastity. By seeking her blessings, the bride expresses her devotion toward family life.

Pani Grihanam (Vedic)

Literally this means “holding of hands. Because this is the first most important Vedic ritual, scholars believe that this should be done during the auspicious time. Normally the bride folds fingers her right hand fingers into a conical form upwards and the groom holds it in his hand folded downwards by surrounding all her fingers.

The following prayers are recited by the groom:

Hey maid, I am holding your hand so that you will have several good children and live happily with me till ripe old age. Hey Goddess Lakshmi, you are blessed with all the luck, riches and food and so we who have held our hands today, hope to get riches and pleasures by your blessings. I announce this loudly in front of all so that you will definitely bless me. Hey Maid, Let Vayu (god of wind) who has the capacity to travel in all directions, who keeps a gold coin in his hand to give to those who pray him and who is the friend of fire God (Agni) who has the capacity to purify everything as well as the capacity to make raw food eatable, enter your mind and make you love me for every minute of our future lives.

Laja homamlaja Homam is a secondary post-wedding ceremony in which the priest lights a fire to which the newly married couple offer oblations of puffed rice or popped grains (Laja). This shall comprise the bride’s own offering to the sacrificial fire. He gives her a handful of parched rice grains which she hands to bridegroom who on her behalf, feeds it into the fire. Through this food offering, the bride seeks a long life for her husband, and propagation of the family. Participation of the bride’s family members indicates the continuance of links between the two families, even after marriage. The couple circle around the fire, three times, and the feeding of the fire with parched rice, is repeated thrice.

Removal of the Dharbha string tied earlier around the bride’s waist

The groom recites the following prayers and then unties the dharbha string he has tied earlier:

i. I free from the rope tied by Lord Parameshwara who ties this rope of Varuna for all the good-minded beings, I give you the position of pleasure with me to you in the world of Brahma.

ii. I free you form the string of Varuna tied by the Lord Parameshwara who gives blessings to his devotees. You can live with me in Brahma loka where the blessed go and be with me without the fear of the rope of Varuna.

I try to present the Hindu marriage tradition and processes in brief.  I might have omitted certain processes because of certain constraints. In those golden (old) days of our forefathers, the marriages used to perform for 5 days giving detailed importance to each of the process.  Today, we don’t have the resources and time because we have our own confinements, in our brisk lives to perform for so long time.  But there is no reason in making mockery of the traditions.  It is our duty to uphold the sanctity of our traditions.  Let us try to know the importance of every process of marriage tradition.  Demand your priest to narrate the secrets of the tradition while performing the marriage.  It is our duty to know.  Let us not kill our rich traditions.

Dharmo Rakshati, Rakshita ha

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