Pillars of a Marriage

There are many principles that, if practiced, can help you build a solid marital foundation. Here are some of those key principles-

"Commitment" is often not a popular word . Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped.

Commitment means putting your spouse's needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met.

Someone once said, "Communication is to love as blood is to the body." Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies.The kind of communication  talked about isn't just exchanging information; it's sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life.

But it's not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives.

Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it's often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.

We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world.

The problem is we can't heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don't work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience.

When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you're going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that's satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don't have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you're willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.

We're more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage.Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It's the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life.

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