I know getting married is once in a life time opportunity and it's no funny business. But i still believe there are so many things happening around during the whole process of marriage that things turn out to be funny for me.
So here I am, sharing my point of observations on the process of wedding and “The ceremony”:
Note: This is just to lighten your mood. Nothing serious or to hurt anyone's feelings.
Anyone who has seen a wedding will know that in India, wedding is not a simple process of 2 people accepting each other under the “socially pre-approved ceremony” of Holy matrimony.
But it’s a process much more complex than time travel, understanding black hole, finding the cure of the incurable disease, combined.
The dream that is marriage: the bride and the groom.
From what I have seen, every person’s life revolves around marriage.
If you will ask a person that “ Why you want to be successful in life?”
What he will reply is “ because this has been my dream since childhood and blah blah blah”.
But what he actually want is “ I will get good marriage proposals”.
A great marriage proposal in India is like winning a jackpot in “Power-ball lottery”.
we all make our effort, just to buy the ticket for the “Jackpot prize”.
Every parents have only two dream:
a. Their children become successful in life( so that they get a good marriage proposal).
b. Their marriage should/must / always be arranged at any cost.
Arrange marriage is like a game of “Teen patti” with really big stakes.
b. Love marriage:
In India, this word is like dropping a nuclear bomb on your parents and worst part is that they fight back with every thing they have got, and the most used weapon word “ People” and “Society” in various permutations and combinations.
To general people, having a love marriage is like living outside the law.
Its like Batman marrying Cat-woman for them.
It starts blinking in front of their eyes as soon as their girl turns 18 or guy turns 21, and this is only because government has made it a rule for minimum age for marriage.
There are various events in the wedding, starting from search of a suitable partner till vidayi.
Lets take it one by one:
Relatives you have never seen before, pop up from nowhere with a proposal for your marriage.
Even your maid shows such an enthusiasm like she will be given an award or something after that.
In the marriage season they are worshiped as “Morpheus” in matrix who will find the chosen one.
Some characters of “The relative”
- Has the knowledge of all eligible bachelors in the country like if someone turns 18 or 21 nearby, a green light saying “available” blinks in front of their eyes.
- Has the information regarding all the marriage taking place in the state.
- And when they talk about the eligible person they are representing:
* Actual salary packages are raised by around 2-2.5 lacs.
* They picture the family as seen in “Suraj Barjatya” movies.
* Bride is goddess from Venus and guy is Greek God in their physical appearance.
* They will also have a list number of fake proposals waiting for that person.
- Usually takes place in bride’s house which is cleaned like and operation theater.
- Door is always opened by the whole family. ( sometimes false alarm causes an awkward moment for an unannounced guest)
- If you are an outsider, here are some tips to find out, who belongs to which party:
* People laughing louder are from groom’s side.
* People wearing more uncomfortable/ flashy clothes are from groom’s side.
* People with unusual smile are from bride’s side.
* People not eating anything are from bride’s side.
* People with searching eyes is the groom.
* People talking about the package are from groom’s side.
* Never confuse any girl present from the beginning as the
bride as this card is played “Blind” for the longest.
- 90% of the time, bride takes the credit of the food ordered from the outside or made by her mother.
- Shagun: It is either money or gold jewelry( mostly a gold chain or earring coz it fits all the same).
* its is like a booking payment done by each party.
* If the either party has said that its final, but has not given he shagun then actually its not final, they were just window shopping .
Common Indian Dowry:
* Cash
* Car, from past years, Maruti 800 has been replaced by Santro and Alto as the “Dowry Car”.
* Lots of jewelry.
* Clothes for every possible relative of the groom side.
Note: If one gives groom’s mother, a gift of equal value, then you are going to see that come back and bite your ass, all your life.
-It is supposed to be a gift given by the bride’s side with the help of “Lots of hints”, (which they think is subtle) from the groom’s side.
-There will be at least:
* 1 drunk friend/ relative.
* 1 relative with a bundle of Rs 5 notes to do the “Bar currency scene”.
* 1 old relative who will curse the dancing guys and will say “ ye sab taam jhaam pehle nahi hota tha”
* A ritual of baraat dance i.e naagin dance, performed by guys who only do the naagin dance at every wedding.
- The important baraati members are provided with a turban so that they are treated accordingly.
- There will be a group of kids at near the venue, who are appointed only to shout “ Baraat aa gayi”.
- Each baraati will be welcomed by garland.
To them it’s a mark of respect. To me they are just marking the baraatis so that they don’t have to welcome some stranger with extra effort.
All they do is to stand and touch feet of hundreds of people, many of them they don’t even know for at least 3 hours.
-If it’s a gift, it is most probably a home appliance, makeup kit, photo frame or ganpati statue.
If it’s an envelope, it will be the exact same amount that your family would have given in the past in their wedding.
It’s a weird “envelope Karma” thing among us.
-Gharaati: Restless, shouting yet smiling.
-Bride’s father: Hands are always in “Namaskar” position, restless, with a handbag with him all the time.
-Groom’s father: Walks like he is the President of the marriage venue.
If there is a car in the “Gift”, he will always see it atleast 3 times in 30 minutes.
-The uncle: He is like the hanuman from the bride side to do all the things.
-That uncle: An over smart ass who will irritate the crap out of every one with his suggestions and will do nothing to help.
-Priest: Apart from the dress, he will have an attitude of “ I run this town”.
will always point out that this article is missing and he will say billion times that “ jajmaan humne toh aapko list di thi 1 mahine pehle”.
He will decide the duration of the wedding and it only depends on the his schedule of the next marriage.
Rest all of the woman cry because some one else is crying.
-There wil always be 1 person reminding the groom’s father that “ We are running late from the schedule”.
-There will always be 1 person who will ask for tea in the last moment.
-“The uncle” will leave last after counting all the plates and spoons.
So it is just a brief of events that happens in Indian Weddings, any interesting observation from your part is most welcome.
Find the best of the wedding vendors at Ultramatrimony.com
So here I am, sharing my point of observations on the process of wedding and “The ceremony”:
Note: This is just to lighten your mood. Nothing serious or to hurt anyone's feelings.
Anyone who has seen a wedding will know that in India, wedding is not a simple process of 2 people accepting each other under the “socially pre-approved ceremony” of Holy matrimony.
But it’s a process much more complex than time travel, understanding black hole, finding the cure of the incurable disease, combined.
The dream that is marriage: the bride and the groom.
From what I have seen, every person’s life revolves around marriage.
If you will ask a person that “ Why you want to be successful in life?”
What he will reply is “ because this has been my dream since childhood and blah blah blah”.
But what he actually want is “ I will get good marriage proposals”.
A great marriage proposal in India is like winning a jackpot in “Power-ball lottery”.
we all make our effort, just to buy the ticket for the “Jackpot prize”.
The Parents:
To the parents, there is a default silent word “Arrange” in front of the term Marriage.
Every parents have only two dream:
a. Their children become successful in life( so that they get a good marriage proposal).
b. Their marriage should/must / always be arranged at any cost.
Types of marriage:
a. Arrange marriage: In India it’s just like the process of elections. Only difference being that, it is only held once.Arrange marriage is like a game of “Teen patti” with really big stakes.
b. Love marriage:
In India, this word is like dropping a nuclear bomb on your parents and worst part is that they fight back with every thing they have got, and the most used weapon word “ People” and “Society” in various permutations and combinations.
To general people, having a love marriage is like living outside the law.
Its like Batman marrying Cat-woman for them.
The Wedding
This word is the situation Code Red for parents.
It starts blinking in front of their eyes as soon as their girl turns 18 or guy turns 21, and this is only because government has made it a rule for minimum age for marriage.
There are various events in the wedding, starting from search of a suitable partner till vidayi.
Lets take it one by one:
The search:
When your parents start looking for a partner for you, everybody in this whole world knows about it.
Relatives you have never seen before, pop up from nowhere with a proposal for your marriage.
Even your maid shows such an enthusiasm like she will be given an award or something after that.
The Relative:
There is always a relative in every family who holds the record of arranging the maximum marriages in the family.
In the marriage season they are worshiped as “Morpheus” in matrix who will find the chosen one.
Some characters of “The relative”
- Has the knowledge of all eligible bachelors in the country like if someone turns 18 or 21 nearby, a green light saying “available” blinks in front of their eyes.
- Has the information regarding all the marriage taking place in the state.
- And when they talk about the eligible person they are representing:
* Actual salary packages are raised by around 2-2.5 lacs.
* They picture the family as seen in “Suraj Barjatya” movies.
* Bride is goddess from Venus and guy is Greek God in their physical appearance.
* They will also have a list number of fake proposals waiting for that person.
The Meeting:
- Meeting of the parents is like two very experienced poker players are playing for big stakes.
- Usually takes place in bride’s house which is cleaned like and operation theater.
- Door is always opened by the whole family. ( sometimes false alarm causes an awkward moment for an unannounced guest)
- If you are an outsider, here are some tips to find out, who belongs to which party:
* People laughing louder are from groom’s side.
* People wearing more uncomfortable/ flashy clothes are from groom’s side.
* People with unusual smile are from bride’s side.
* People not eating anything are from bride’s side.
* People with searching eyes is the groom.
* People talking about the package are from groom’s side.
* Never confuse any girl present from the beginning as the
bride as this card is played “Blind” for the longest.
- 90% of the time, bride takes the credit of the food ordered from the outside or made by her mother.
- Shagun: It is either money or gold jewelry( mostly a gold chain or earring coz it fits all the same).
* its is like a booking payment done by each party.
* If the either party has said that its final, but has not given he shagun then actually its not final, they were just window shopping .
The Gift:
Its just an innocent replacement of the word “Dowry”.
Common Indian Dowry:
* Cash
* Car, from past years, Maruti 800 has been replaced by Santro and Alto as the “Dowry Car”.
* Lots of jewelry.
* Clothes for every possible relative of the groom side.
Note: If one gives groom’s mother, a gift of equal value, then you are going to see that come back and bite your ass, all your life.
-It is supposed to be a gift given by the bride’s side with the help of “Lots of hints”, (which they think is subtle) from the groom’s side.
The Baraat:
- The groom always have famous kid of the family, dressed as groom as his sidekick.-There will be at least:
* 1 drunk friend/ relative.
* 1 relative with a bundle of Rs 5 notes to do the “Bar currency scene”.
* 1 old relative who will curse the dancing guys and will say “ ye sab taam jhaam pehle nahi hota tha”
* A ritual of baraat dance i.e naagin dance, performed by guys who only do the naagin dance at every wedding.
- The important baraati members are provided with a turban so that they are treated accordingly.
- There will be a group of kids at near the venue, who are appointed only to shout “ Baraat aa gayi”.
- Each baraati will be welcomed by garland.
To them it’s a mark of respect. To me they are just marking the baraatis so that they don’t have to welcome some stranger with extra effort.
The stage time:
-It’s the most irritating time for the bride and the groom.All they do is to stand and touch feet of hundreds of people, many of them they don’t even know for at least 3 hours.
-If it’s a gift, it is most probably a home appliance, makeup kit, photo frame or ganpati statue.
If it’s an envelope, it will be the exact same amount that your family would have given in the past in their wedding.
It’s a weird “envelope Karma” thing among us.
How to identify:
-Baraati: apart from well dressed and the garland provided by the bride’s family, they will behave like they are Income tax officials on raid and try to inspect every thing.
-Gharaati: Restless, shouting yet smiling.
-Bride’s father: Hands are always in “Namaskar” position, restless, with a handbag with him all the time.
-Groom’s father: Walks like he is the President of the marriage venue.
If there is a car in the “Gift”, he will always see it atleast 3 times in 30 minutes.
-The uncle: He is like the hanuman from the bride side to do all the things.
-That uncle: An over smart ass who will irritate the crap out of every one with his suggestions and will do nothing to help.
-Priest: Apart from the dress, he will have an attitude of “ I run this town”.
will always point out that this article is missing and he will say billion times that “ jajmaan humne toh aapko list di thi 1 mahine pehle”.
He will decide the duration of the wedding and it only depends on the his schedule of the next marriage.
-Bitter old woman: she is the oldest woman from the groom’s side who will be surrounded by her minions.
All that old woman will do is point out the short comings and will make a kid run to get some food for her in every 15-30 minutes.
Vidaayi:
- The only people who cry genuinely are bride, her parents and close relatives.Rest all of the woman cry because some one else is crying.
-There wil always be 1 person reminding the groom’s father that “ We are running late from the schedule”.
-There will always be 1 person who will ask for tea in the last moment.
-“The uncle” will leave last after counting all the plates and spoons.
So it is just a brief of events that happens in Indian Weddings, any interesting observation from your part is most welcome.
Find the best of the wedding vendors at Ultramatrimony.com
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